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Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.
RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.
FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.
 
It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.
 
I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?
 
What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –
Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)
UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.
Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.
Battle in my MindEat.
    Don't eat.
Take it easy.
        Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
            Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
                You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
                    You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
                        They don't understand.
Let me help you.
                            You don't understand.
Show me.
                                No!
I love you..
                                   
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
 
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
 
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
 
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
In The Daylight
In The Daylight

A false downfall
An unexpected revival

Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness

Life...redefined
Death...redesigned

In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
-
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest

I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic

I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid

A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete

Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;

this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).

You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.

   So what do you do?

You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
dainty arms…

and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
sight.

(But beauty isn’t everything)
Honesty    Written

         from the

              heart.

No eraser.
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
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More from *graveful

conflictwe speak like funerals and break each other's bones
while boys and girls are casting stones in whirlwinds of fear.
sometimes we think in madnesses
that we are death's lost paramour.
life keeps her husband on a leash
but he approached us once from darkness
and he kissed our neck but not our lips
gave us love that rots between our hands --

it wasn't yours to give, she said to him
you are mine to love and mine to hold
i made her blood run much too hot
but you have starved her hope too cold
losing battleshe is made of human reds and blues
a deep bruise with rotted roots.
she bleeds in casualties for softer seas
or brigantines to sail,
   but all of it just leaves her aching
   for a faster way to drown
trampit leaves
her cheap, bound
to beds
in broken
places.
hauntings

in her skin of haunts
that never leave;
scars in places
no one sees, bound
body to one broken
bed

in a bed-
room that haunts
with broken
skin, it never leaves
(he never does.) binds
from sterile places

in locked and watchful places
on restraining gurneys, beds
of binding
and her head is haunted
the demons do not leave
but break

her open, still so broken
chained to places
she will never leave.
she goes back to her dirty beds
where he’s been haunting
her for years, binds

that grind the skin, binds
that try to break
it shut. she’s made of hauntings
she tries to kill
with taciturn eyesI.

he stoked fire from her lips
with passion in his touch
but gentle hands, and she
had learned sacrifice
with the surrender of life
through her body—
through her heart—

II.

he broke her heart with
violent touches and wordless
walks through dark tunnels
in which he would not hold her ;
  his hand hurt less when he was sober, but

he didn’t have a problem.

III.

he broke her heart(beat) with
a bullet through the chest
she would not stop crying,
(he had thought)
she would not

have stopped

crying

IV.

he stoked the fire for her
with rage in his touch
but bleached hands, and he
he had learned nothing
the fire of st. agneswind weeps dirges.
howls heave through emptiness.
winter wakes
in spoils of summer--
singed smell,
the doors creak cold
but still feel fire

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December 23, 2012
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Contrasts in the Death of Winter

:icongraveful:

elusive daylight
pale fluorescents
humming low,humming dull
split-cracked breathing patterns
rasping through a respirator --
   

I.
8. somersaults in snow,we
wintered in imagination,building
igloos from the residues of storms

II.
13. "snow angel," you said and held my hand
while we lost ourselves in winter woods
while we lost ourselves
while we lost

III.
18. i slipped on ice, and you cradled
bruises in your arms  you cradled bruises
you cradled bruises on my arms

IV.
23. rattled loose locks and fear of bleeding
a frost of fire on your tongue   you love(d) me
but the monsters had to win

***

I.
8. somersaults in snow,we
wintered in imagination,
snow angels strewn across the lawn


II.
13. ice skating on the rink, do you
remember, and i
fell into your arms   i fell   you do remember

III.
18. the winter wind howled loud
crippled weak my bones and
you still helped me up even though i barely smiled

IV.
23. bad news again, doctors' visits and the world
breaks as brittle as my bones and
there is a frost of fire on your tongue    i love(d) you
but the monsters had to win

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